The New Normal
The New “Normal”
Jan 6 2010
I’ve been asked to write something about my Weight Loss Surgery experience several times. It was not until I was answering an email from someone considering surgery that I was able to get the thoughts flowing. Despite fighting my weight for as long as I can remember, almost my pre-teens, I found myself going through loss and gain cycles and ending up a worse place each time. The last time the loss was over 100 lbs and I had believed it was the last time. Yet 4 years later it had all come back and then some. I was rapidly getting to the point that basic things were becoming complicated if not difficult. I was on the verge of not being able to fly on an airline without paying for first class size seat. I had given up on several hobbies that I enjoyed and was beginning to withdraw from events and people out of despair. While I didn’t understand it then, I was basically ashamed of who I was. I always worked hard to get and stay healthy. I had run 2 half marathons, 2 10K races, and a 12K race along with about 2500km of training one year and it didn’t seem to make much of a difference. As time went on I felt the physical ability and the mental capacity to deal with my life was slipping away.
I did feel I could lose weight again but I couldn’t live through another down then up cycle. I needed to have some confidence that the weight would stay off. And inside my own head I was fresh out of confidence. So I needed to find an external source. The concept of Weight Loss surgery had been mentioned by friends and family but I never thought I was so bad that this ‘drastic’ solution would be required. After all that was for people that needed to be moved out of their house on a forklift. Well after the last “last time” in 2005 I knew something had to give. Whether I admitted it or not, I just couldn’t continue to go the way I was. My version of “normal” was not giving me the life I needed to live.
In 2007, I broached the topic with my doctor who wasn’t really happy with the idea so I let it drop. By the beginning of 2008 things had changed. My doctor had attended a session where patients of Dr Amson had spoken of their experiences. I don’t know who they were but I owe them more than they will ever know. My doctor wrote a referral to Dr Amson which described my plight. In February 2008 I got an appointment date for the following November. I must admit that I probably let myself go a bit in 2008 kind of waiting for this magic bullet to solve my problems. One of my regrets is I didn’t really do the homework I should have before that first appointment. I could have used the 8 months to understand what I was getting into and start making some of the changes but I didn’t. In a series of very short appointments in November and December I got some information and set off to do that homework.
I admit being more than a little discouraged at the whole process. I had put a bunch of eggs in a basket and nothing was happening. I did take the advice and started contacting previous patients. What really helped me was a long conversation with one patient, who I now started to know as ‘bandsters’. He was a similar age and weight and he spoke of his pre-operation (pre-op) habits in a way that reminded me of everything that I was going through. He gave me some good tips on what I should be doing to change habits. The best piece of advice is ‘don’t over think it’ and that is what pushed me forward. I knew I was going to do this and I started to have hope that I could be successful not in loosing the weight but in keeping it lost.
The next meeting with Dr Amson was about getting the surgery scheduled. I was expecting it to take 3 to 4 months to get a spot so it was likely April or May 2009. In the meantime I was trying to learn to eat slower, chew better, and avoid foods such as bread that I heard could be problematic post-surgery. In February, I had planned to attend a conference in Vancouver, booked time off work, and made my plans. 10 days before the conference the plans changed. There was a surgery spot open for February 20th, I was already scheduled to be off work, Let’s go for it. In the next, 5 business days I had to get tests, go to hospital for a consult, write some big cheques, and get a pre-op physical. Two significant things happened during that period. My consult with the Internist showed my blood pressure as too high for their liking. In a moment I thought my surgery may have to be put off. That was a brief but deeply emotional blow. A few pills later that was in control. Then my doctor was away and I needed to find somewhere to get a basic physical done. I was referred to a walk-in clinic. All went okay but on the way out this 5 foot nothing, 85 lb doctor (exaggeration intended) said “have you considered weight watchers?” I wanted to pound (pardon the pun) him in to the pavement. Another emotional blow but I tried to stay focused. Once that was all done I had about 2 days of waiting – which was mercifully short. But even in that time the recriminations started, Why Me?, What was so Wrong with Me? that I needed to take this step. It was a pretty tough time.
The lack of time was beneficial from a mental point of view but the day before the surgery, which was scheduled for a Friday, I realized I had no concept of what the day and the weeks immediately after were going to be like. I was really heading into the unknown. My lack of ‘homework’ was coming to bite me again. I was scheduled to be back at work on Monday, 2 days after surgery. Didn’t have anyway of knowing if that was even realistic. Too late to worry about it too much just had to go ahead an see what happens.
Arrived at the hospital early as the surgery was scheduled for the morning. They took all my details including a weight in. I had lost 13 lbs since my first appointment with Dr Amson of that I blame on the Citro-mag I drank the day before and 24 hours of no solid food. The only other little surprise was a concern that my neck was so thick that it might present a problem for the anesthetist. My last reminder of why this was necessary. About 90 min later I woke up in the recovery room. 3 hours after that I was on my way home. In all honesty, I’ve had dentist appointments that were tougher than that day.
The immediate days after was getting use to the feelings now that I was living with a band. Eating lightly and trying to avoid anything that could cause me a problem. Other than an ill-advised bowl of Oatmeal on day 2 and 4 days of general shoulder pain, my post-op experience was without incident. I was back at work Monday without too much problem.
In the immediate weeks after surgery the weight came off quickly, even without any fill. Mostly because I was avoiding food. As my appetite returned I got my first fill. Then a few weeks later my second. I had started walking to work again, after almost 2 years of avoiding it, and 3 months post-surgery I joined a gym to try and increase my exercise. For the 6 or 7 months I was eating less than 1000 calories and trying to burn off about the same every day. I won’t say it was easy but I was able to accomplish it without a lot of trouble. My energy level soared. I no longer piled things at the bottom of the stairs to avoid going up and down. I looked for opportunities to get out and I started getting involved in outside activities and events. My calendar, both social and otherwise, started filling up.
The goal I had set for my birthday (September 2009) was to lose over 100 lbs from the previous November. I knew that was optimistic but I needed to be aggressive to keep myself motivated. I made that goal in the first 4 months (June 2009). My long term goal was to get below a BMI of 30 and no longer be considered ‘obese’. I hoped to get there by my 45th Birthday (Sept 2010). I just missed beating that goal by almost a year. As the goals fell and I got closer to the end of the losing the next phase loomed. I had to find a way to live with a new way of eating and exercising that would last me the rest of my life. A life that looked a lot better than it did 10 months before. I was no longer a 40 something, obese, single guy. Well technically I was still 40-something but that other stuff had changed.
I needed to start working on new habits. If I felt hungry I would grab my camera and wander around taking pictures. If I started to make too many trips to the fridge, while sitting on the couch – I added a chair and TV to the bedroom to change my environment for sitting at home. I still have a stubborn few pounds I would like to lose but that isn’t my main focus. I don’t want to screw this up. I am building a life I can live with and trying to do things that ensure this truly was the last time. I am creating my New “Normal” and I can’t express the improvements in my emotional and physical health. I can’t express my gratitude to all the people that have encouraged me, fellow bandsters and otherwise. To those that are considering this option, please know you are not alone, and know there is an amazing group of sharing and supportive people that have been where you are. My goal in writing this is to try and ‘pay it forward’.
